Cassius The Hedgehog and The Muffin Man.

This one time, right, Cassius and his badger buddy were taking a casual stroll.
'Have you seen the muffin man?'Enrique the Badger asked Cassius.
'The muffin man?'Cassius retorted,
'Yeh mate, the muffin man!'
'Nah.' said Cassius 'why?'
'Just because I fancy some apple pie,' Enrique told him
'Well the apple pie man's over there mate!' Cassius pointed out
'OH! BATTY! OBVIOUSLY I IS WANTING MUFFINS THAT IS WHY I IS LOOKING FOR THE MUFFIN MAN INNIT.' Enrique shouted.
'Oh. Right. Innit.' Cassius said, scratching his nose.

Cassius and Enrique had become well close since Cassius' party when he made Enrique cheesecake and they had been on many an outing together. They'd been up Camden, down Brighton and this one time they got a well cheap megabus deal up to Glasgow where they drank some Yogi Yogi Chai at Tchai Ovna, went vintage shopping in the West End and then danced like mad to some dubstep at Artschool. That was well rad. All in all they were now inseparable and were the coolest critters around. Anyone who was anyone wanted to roll with them and some daft kids had even been working bow ties and trilbys to try and copy their banging look.

Anyway right, this fine day the two decided that as the only man they could find was the apple pie man and they well wanted some muffins that they would search for the muffin man and GET SOME. First they tried Drury Lane.

'He does live on Drury Lane.' Cassius said.
'He does?!' Enrique cried, 'I'll bear that in mind.'

Unfortunately the muffin man weren't home. His wife was though and she gave them some shortcake but they STILL well wanted some muffins.
'To be honest I haven't seen him at all today,' she told them 'right state he was in last night, drank too much Sailor Jerry and was dropping his muffins all over the shop, muttering something about the apple pie man taking all his business.'
'Yeh he likes a drink does the muffin man,' Cassius concurred.

The muffin man's wife also said he might be playing golf so next they headed there. Roland the Magpie was on the golf course, playing a round with Adam Sandler, (Roland later denied rumours that they had electrocuted a canary earlier that day in order to win a bet with Madonna.)

'Whatchoo doing rolling around and that on the fairway with Adam Sandler?!' Cassius yelled 'You know he's famous for his ludicrous hate campaign against canaries!'
'I ain't playing around with him, you misread that innit, I'm just playing a round OF GOLF with him, we're putting our differing opinions on canaries to the sidelines for the next half an hour.' Roland replied.
'Ohh, I see' Cassius said 'Have you seen the muffin man?'
'The muffin man?' asked Roland and Adam Sandler in unison.
'THE MUFFIN MAN!' cried Cassius and Enrique.
'And don't tell us he lives on Drury Lane, we tried there, but he weren't in.' Enrique added.
'Nah mate,' Roland replied, 'not seen him since Christmas Eve, he's had far too much mulled wine mind, RIGHT state he was in, dropping his muffins all over the shop and muttering something about Madonna and her sick games with babies and animals alike.'
'Yeh he's always been one for a drink that muffin man,' said Cassius. 'Well, thanks anyway. I guess we'll try somewhere else.'
'You could try the beach,' Adam Sandler suggested, 'I've seen the muffin man walking amongst the dunes many a time.'
'SHUT UP SANDLER YOU AIN'T NO WOODLAND CREATURE, WHAT ARE YA EVEN DOING HERE?!' Cassius shouted.
'Uh, Cassius, neither is the muffin man...' Enrique pointed out.
'YEH, WELL HIS GRANDMA WAS A VOLE SO HE'S NEARLY THERE.' Cassius told him.
'Really?!' said Roland.
'Yeh, now get back to your golfy tomfoolery, We're going to the beach.' Cassius said, 'come on Enrique.'

Forty-five minutes later they were at the beach, where Pam the Weasel and Christina the Fox were having a game of ultimate frisbee.
'It may be ultimate,' Cassius said, 'but at the end of the day, it's little more than a dog toy.'
'OI! YOU SEEN THE MUFFIN MAN!?' shouted Enrique
'WHAT?!' Pam shouted back. Cassius and Enrique hurried closer.
'I said, have you seen the muffin man?' Enrique asked.
'The muffin man?'
'Yeh, the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane but he's not there, or at the golf course.'
'Oh, that batty boy, no, he's not at the beach, last time I saw him, he'd had too much Guinness and was in a RIGHT state, dropping his muffins all over the shop and muttering something about frisbee not being a real sport.' Christina the Weasel told them.
'Well it's not really.' Cassius said. 'Neither's American football in my opinion, but we'll say no more about THAT.'
'Always been one for a drink that muffin man, don't I always say, eh Cassius?' said Enrique.
'No you dimmy, that's what I always say.' Cassius said and bonked Enrique on the trilby.
'Look Cassius, I is getting tired and that, shall we just go to the pub?' Enrique asked.
'NO. WE STARTED THIS AND WE'RE GONNA FINISH IT.' Cassius stated. 'Okay, we'll just have one gin and tonic and then we'll carry on.'

So off they went to Spoons for a quick drink. As they went in they saw a figure covered in flour, slumped over the bar, clutching a vodka and cranberry juice and muttering something about antioxidants.'
'That fella's in a right state,' Enrique whispered.
'Oh lordie, it's the muffin man!' Cassius exclaimed,
'The muffin man?' Enrique said
'YEH THE MUFFIN MAN BATTY! Cassius yelled and bonked Enrique on the trilby again.'I always said he was one for a drink.'
'We should really have looked here first then,' Enrique said.
'Yehhh... OH LOOK GIN AND TONIC IS ONLY 99P IN THE JANUARY SALE!!' Cassius gasped as he saw the drinks deals.
'This is the best day of my life' Enrique said and they both sat down with the muffin man and got well trashed and ate muffins and all that.